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Hog Heaven

Essay in response to critics of Jesus' sending the demons out of the Gerasene/Gadarene demon possessed man in Mark chapter 5 in the Bible.

Hog Heaven
By Dan Eumurian

In a side alley just off the streets of gold in Paradise is an alley called "Hog Heaven." The divine swine sit around sloshing in the mud and swapping stories about their mortal existences. One brags, "I was ham for Ken Ham" (a late date creationist with whom I have huge disagreements. Another squeals, "I was bacon for Sir Francis Bacon" (a thoughtful Christian and father of the scientific method). A third says, "I took care of myself and died of old age."

Then an old pig grunts softly, "One day Jesus came to the country of the Gerasenes. There was a man there who had an unclean spirit and was living in a cemetery, crying out and gashing himself. Jesus came along. The demon--or actually demons--begged him to let them go into us swine. Jesus did so, and the demons ran us down a steep bank into the sea. So we helped Jesus set a man free."

All the other porkers oohed in awe, and raised their glasses of sanctified swill in a toast to this hero of Hog Heaven.

Not long after the event recounted by the old hog, Jesus defeated Satan and the demons once and for all by dying on the cross for the sins of every piggish human being. All they have to do is come to him for cleansing and "pig herding," and someday they'll dwell with delight in the great Sty in the Sky. The party starts now!

Copyright 2019, Dan Eumurian



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